Fear- WincestAngst
by allyouneedislarry
Summary: fear was never part of his vocabulary; until now.


He sat on the old ratty hotel room bed, located somewhere in Illinois. Thoughts raced through his head, but he just stared blankly at the wall infront of him. He hadn't moved for hours, he couldn't. He didn't have enough energy to. For once in his life he was..

Afraid.

Afraid of what waited outside. He had watched what he things loved the most die slowly from the things that hid in the dark. He was never alone, so he was never scared.

But know he was.

Alone.

Afraid.

He had no one left. All had either left or died. Normally, he'd be fine being left to himself like he always wished he had been; but now actually having no one around.. he didn't like it. Not one bit. He needed someone to talk to, to laugh with, to feel safe with. The only person he had was his image in the dusty mirror.

He had been hearing them outside his door for hours now, waiting for him to claim his fate and open the door.

Demons.

They didn't give a damn about you or your feelings; they just wanted you dead.

And truthfully, he just wanted it to be gone. He couldn't stand being alive anymore. Didn't really matter anyways. No one would miss him. He was just the shell of the man he used to be.

He wasted his final minutes remembering.

Remembering how life used to be.

Hunting with his dad, driving the Impala over the speed limit while cranking rock n' roll, cracking jokes with his brother, solving cases.

He'd give anything to have that back.

He'd give more than anything to atleast see him again.

Sammy.

His baby brother, his Bonnie to his Clyde, his best friend.

His lover.

Sometime when Sam was still in highschool, Dean had fallen in love with the goofy, saggy haired boy. He knew it was wrong. That's why he had never told anyone. He had wanted the boy all to himself, so when Jessica came into the picture, Dean couldn't handle it anymore.

He went off with his dad and didn't speak to Sam. It was too hard knowing he could never have him.

But when John had gone missing and Jessica died and Sam was always with him, Dean couldn't control his emotions from overwhelming him. He'd just stare at him for hours, observing his eyes, his mouth, his laugh. Everything. He had to stop himself for doing something he would regret. But one day he just..

Snapped.

Sam came from the bathroom, half naked with a towel around his hips, glistening from the shower. Dean was like tiger. He pushed Sam against the wall and kissed him with all his life.

Of course Sam was shocked, being kissed by your older brother and such. But he was shocked in a good way. Turns out Sammy loved Dean too.

Over the period of months, the two became closer. They knew they were meant for each another. And they didn't care what other people thought. They loved each another. They thought nothing could hurt them.

Thought.

Dean had brought Sam to a restaurant for their 4 month anniversary. He had been planning on doing something insane.

Propose.

He didn't know why he wanted to do it so badly, he just wanted to be sure that Sammy would be his forever.

After they had been brought their meals, Dean stood up and walking over to Sam's seat. He gasped when Dean pulled out the small velvet box and smiled up at him.

" Hey Sammy.. will ya marry me? " Sam nodded through tears and fell into his older brothers arms. People clapped, not knowing that the two were brothers; only knowing that they were two were two men in love.

As they left therestaurant, holding hands and smiling like idiots, Dean saw something from the corner of his eyes.

In a flash, the demon they had been hunting appeared infront of Sam and pushed a knife through his chest. The long haired boy looked confused and terrified as he fell to the wet ground. The demon disappeared just as fast as it appeared, leaving a sobbing Dean holding onto his love as he slowly died in his arms.

Samuel Dean Winchester died at 10:39p.m on October 6th.

That day, Dean cried more than he ever had in his whole life.

As Dean sat on the bed, listening to the snickers of demons outside his door, he felt a tear run down his cheek. He lifted his hand to his face and wiped it away.

Funny.

He couldn't feel anything anymore.

He sighed and stood up, bones cracking from sitting too long.

And looked into the mirror and took one final look at himself.

His eyes were blood red from tiredness and crying, his clothes were dirty and gross, his shoulders sagged.

He looked terrible.

He almost decided to take a shower, but he just laughed to himself silently.

Where he was going, it didn't matter what you looked like.

Hell was dirty anyways.

He trudged over to the door, hearing excited chants from behind it. They knew he was coming. He placed his hand on the door knob and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, having to overcome his fears.

He slowly turned the doorknob.

" I'm coming Sammy. " he whispered into the air.

Then he did it.

He overcame his fears.

He opened the door.


End file.
